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Monday, November 26, 2012

Babies, Babies, Babies,

            I’m sure that this is going to piss a lot of people off, but I am okay with that.  I love baby Jaxon.  If something happened to his parents I would not hesitate to take him in to my home and raise him as my own.  He is a fun kid.  Here’s the deal though I don’t actually want him to be my own.  He is demanding, loud and expensive.  I don’t understand this obsession with babies that people have.  I understand the love you have for your own child and I understand people who want to have a child, but after really seeing what having a baby is about, and being a part of baby Jaxon’s life I cannot get how these anti-choicers push this baby having business.
            Truth be told I’m really not into babies, like any other person I have to get to know them and all before I really want to be around them.  Babies are work and I mean a lot of it.  I’ve been keeping one for 1 day a week.  That’s it, and I get frustrated, and I find myself understanding why some women do horrible things to their children.  Don’t misunderstand what I am saying.  Injuring the baby in anyway has never entered my mind, but when I was 14, 16 or even 20, I could see myself  doing something dumb and dangerous like going to the store and leaving the baby in its crib.  Not just anyone is cut out to be a mom or dad.  It’s not something that just comes naturally when you have a baby despite what society would have you believe.
            I am told on a regular basis if I don’t hurry up and have a kid of my own it’ll be too late, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.  In all honesty, I don’t think so, and who the hell are these people to threaten me?  I know it is not intended as a threat, but that is exactly what it is.  Have a baby or you’ll die old, alone, and miserable.  I have to say; that isn’t the direction my life is going.  I am advancing in my career which, is fulfilling and I’m happy with that.  My relationships are as close to perfect as I think they can get, and at the end of the day, I am a genuinely happy person.  I know a lot of people with kids who are not as happy as I am.  I know people with kids who are as happy as I am.  I have come to the conclusion that kids and happiness are not that closely correlated.
            I also have come to the conclusion that prior to having kids, it is something you must want, and I don’t mean like you want a new computer or tickets to Bon Jovi.  I mean in the way that you would cut off all your appendages and belly crawl through hot coals to have one, and then still give it the best home you possibly can and not once resent the loss of your arms and legs.  I mean you need to have money, you need to have stuff, you need to know about child development, you need to have time and you need to have more patience than any normal human being.  Being a parent is HUGE.  I do not understand how the anti-choicers are able to take it so lightly.  If a person isn’t ready to be a parent then trust them to make that choice.  They know themselves better than you do.  You know kids like the post-born, require a lot.
            Post born people need round the clock care, and in order to provide that you need something fairly close to a bag of money that will never be empty.  I’m not saying that low in-come people can’t provide wonderful loving homes and provide well for their children, I am saying however that their lives are VERY difficult.  It is not something just anyone is cut out for.  I am not. I am great with kids, but at the end of the day I’m sending them home where someone else can do:  homework, dr. visits, pay for daycare, deal with the other parent, clean up after them, get puked on, and all the stuff that really and truly sucks about babies. 
            I know that once a woman has shown up at an abortion clinic, she has weighed her options.  Some women know they cannot provide a good home, and that is why they are making the choice not to become a parent.  Some women have addiction problems, and know they fetus if carried to term will not be healthy.  Some women have mental health concerns that require them to take medication, and without it they may harm themselves or others.  No one can be pregnant for these women.  Some women just know they will not be good parents, and will not be able to allow their post born to be adopted by another family who may or may not provide a good home.  The idea that all people who want to adopt will make great parents is fairly ridiculous. 
            Really you want to force this person to give birth at which point most women feel a responsibility to the child.  They want to give the child it’s best chance and sometimes that isn’t with them, but how do they know?  Are they supposed to use the agency whose representatives yelled at them when they went to a clinic for information?  Are they supposed to use the agency sponsored by the crisis pregnancy center who lied to them about how far along their pregnancy was, and took the choice to not become a parent away from them?  Are they supposed to turn over their child to the state and trust the government to find a family for their child?  Do they keep the child even though they know they aren’t going to be good parents?  Now there is a child and a woman or a woman and her partner who have to choose the path for this child they don’t really know what to do about. The antis have proven they can’t be trusted, and really how many people do you know who want the government to take responsibility for a baby?
            The anti-choicers are all about forcing someone to “give life”, but at the end of the day they give a shit less about what type of life.  What type of person wants to run the risk of sending a baby home with a person who hates it?  It is hard enough to take care of a child you love with every fiber of your being how hard would it be to take care of one you resent?


  1. Amen to this quote - "I also have come to the conclusion that prior to having kids, it is something you must want, and I don’t mean like you want a new computer or tickets to Bon Jovi."

    I apply that same principle to marriage, and I've BEEN married! I no longer am, because I don't want to be. But for a marriage to work, those in it have to WANT to BE MARRIED, not just have a wedding.

    Some people literally know, from their childhood, they want to eventually be parents. They want to take on that responsibility, and raise a child - and I completely respect that. Others know that they don't, so why does society poke at them? It's just one more form of misogyny I think, they're uncomfortable that the woman isn't in her place. Well, fuck that - I'm not having kids, though I happily support those who do, and I'm going to keep fighting that kind of pigeon-holing that people force on women.